Finding You
by Sith Lord Darth Omar
Summary: Post-NFA. Buffy is on vacation and has been feeling weird lately. So what happens when a tall, dark stranger walks into her life? BA songfic to Sarah McLachlan’s ‘I Love You.’ First in the ‘Mirrorball’ series.
1. Part I

Title: Finding You 

Author: Sith Lord Darth Omar (lol, yeah, I'm also a Star Wars fan)

Rating: PG (right now there's not even any violence, this is subject to change)

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Joss Whedon, Fox, UPN, the WB, whoever. All I know is it ain't me. None of this belongs to me except for some of the ideas and I am making absolutely no money from this. Oh, and the song and it's lyrics belong to Sarah McLachlan and Nettwerk Records.

Spoilers: Umm… this basically covers everything in the Buffy/Angel universe. There are no explicit spoilers for anything but there may be a few mentions of some stuff.

Summary: Post-NFA. Buffy is on vacation and has been feeling weird lately. So what happens when a tall, dark stranger walks into her life? B/A songfic to Sarah McLachlan's 'I Love You.' First in the 'Mirrorball' series.

Reviews: Please review. It is extremely important in this case because I really need to know whether or not to continue with this storyline. Also, this is my first Buffy story that I'm publishing so I need some feedback. And since this is a work in progress, you may have a chance to alter the course of the story with a suggestion.

Distribution: If you want it, take it, when it's done. Just e-mail me and let me know, okay?

Author's Notes: Ok, well, this is a work in progress and no, I don't expect to be done anytime soon. I would very much like you to review. I need to absolutely thank my beta Sarah who worked on this during some very stressful times and totally didn't need to and my good friend, goddess of B/A fanfiction, Kristi, whose website is awesome and you all need to check it out. Thanx a bunch for reading! The yet-unused lyrics are still at the bottom here.

Contact Me: ' '

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Buffy sat in a small café in Paris. She had a cappuccino here almost every day before the lunch hour rush. She would wake up around ten and walk the short distance from her four star hotel to the café. Being on the Reformed Watcher's Council's payroll was quite the treat. Today was a nice day; not too warm, not too cool; and the clouds were quite welcome after Europe's recent heat wave. 

She had been here for a month and a half. Having heard about Angel's massive battle against the Army of Hell, she feared for his safety and that of his team. They waited anxiously for weeks, tense to hear any news of the outcome. Willow had even tried a locator spell to try to find Buffy's former lover.

The red-headed witch could not calculate Angel's whereabouts; she kept saying she was running into some sort of 'shield'. Buffy's anxiety had risen and she had been on the edge of buying a plane ticket to LA when the news came: the entire demon army had been ripped to pieces… but there were no survivors. Varied reports had come in from the seedy demon underworld. There was something mysterious in LA… a magical void that allowed for no trace of the champions to be found. Wolfram and Hart had indeed unleashed their fury.

But afterwards, nothing happened. All had been quiet lately. Sure, there were the regular demons and vampires, but nothing apocalyptic. It was so odd. So, Buffy asked for a vacation. She had deserved it, after all. The new slayers could handle the regular evil activity and something had been bothering Buffy deep inside. There was no way the opening of LA's portal to Hell could have affected her all the way over in London, could there? And none of the other slayers or Faith had felt it, not even Willow.

So, she had asked Giles for a break, a chance to recuperate and maybe get Angel out of her thoughts for once. Faith was to keep her posted on anything major and, packing one small suitcase, she decided to follow her gut instincts, which, to no surprise, were now very screwed up.

Why she came to Paris, she had no idea. This place had nothing to do with Angel. She assumed that odd feeling was associated with him… but how? He was dead, surely. It usually began with a tightening in her lower back, the skin feeling extremely cool or hot. But why Paris? Angel was… had been Irish. Buffy sighed; she really didn't understand any of this. But at least the cappuccinos were good.

Another thing was bothering Buffy, though. It was starting to get boring here. There was something telling her to move on… that she should get out of here. Of course, her internal systems were so messed up that she wasn't really sure what to do. She decided, presently, to go back to the hotel and check it's guidebooks for some information on hotels in other cities. She got up, leaving a generous tip for the cute waiter.

"_Riiight. Just here for the cappuccinos, Buffy,_" she thought to herself.

_I have a smile,_

_Stretched from ear to ear,_

_To see you walking down the road._

As Buffy turned a corner, the strange feeling in her spine intensified, almost like it had begun spreading, a tingling sensation of white-hot fire.

"_Ugh! What is this? Maybe I should see a doctor or it's gonna drive me..." _Buffy's thoughts immediately halted when she saw the sight about two hundred meters ahead of her, on the opposite side of the street. The sun came out as she stood there, speechlessly watching a tall, dark man walk towards her.

"_Oh God, oh God, I can't breathe... Angel?"_ she thought. He was wearing a light-coloured shirt, black leather jacket and dark blue jeans. "_Wait a minute. Angel in jeans?"_

He looked up, much closer now, his eyes locking onto hers, looking light brown in the sunlight. Finally, he came up to her and stopped, staring breathlessly.

_We meet at the lights,_

_I stare for a while._

_The world around us disappears._

"Buffy," he breathed, his voice barely a whisper. The way he said her name hadn't changed with his humanity.

"Angel?" she asked, her voice sounding too much like a lost little girl trying to find her way home.

The two just stood there, motionless for what seemed like hours. Angel marveled at the luminescence of Buffy's radiant golden hair, the way her green eyes sparkled in the sunlight. They radiated a look of total wonderment and warmth.

Angel grinned, his smile growing bigger by the second as he gazed at Buffy's beautiful little face. People walking by gave the couple odd looks. Even in the city of lovers was their behaviour unprecedented. But Buffy and Angel were completely focused on one another.

_It's just you and me,_

_On my island of hope._

_A breath between us could be miles._

"I've been searching so long for you," Angel said, his voice coloured by emotion. Seeing that Buffy was in no real state to respond, he continued. "The demon army. Yeah, we, uh… we defeated it. Well, actually, we got sucked into another dimension by the Senior Partners. And then we fought and fought and fought and eventually we came out on top. God, it was terrible, but… we won."

Buffy smiled, "_Angel's here. He's… he's alive!_"

Her heart leapt with joy, her mind slowly coming into the realization that all this was really happening.

"As a reward, I was changed. I'm… I'm human," he finished.

But his eyes carried a haunted look. Now that Buffy's initial shock was over, she could see the bags under his eyes, the slight change of his frame, the pall of his skin. He hadn't been sleeping well, obviously, if at all. It took Buffy a moment to understand that Angel was the only survivor.

"Come here," she said, enveloping him in a tight hug meant to comfort.

She wasn't really sure if the comfort was for him or for herself, but it seemed to work both ways. Buffy didn't ever want to have to let go again. Angel's body shivered as he reached around to hug Buffy back.

"I've looked everywhere for you," he whispered.

_Let me surround you,_

_My sea to your shore._

_Let me be the calm you seek._

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump._

The sound was incredible to Buffy. After a moment, Angel pulled away, a serious look on his face.

"Buffy… I … uh, can we talk?"

"Sure," she said, eager to speak to him about this stunning revelation.

"Listen, now that I'm human… I don't know what to do…where to go. I'm confused. I… I'm not even a real person right now. I don't exist… no birth records, no family documents. I'm not even sure what I want right now. And since you're the only person I know that's still alive, I kind of needed your help. But, if you're… if… if you've got someone else in your life, then just tell me and I'll go because I can't pull you away from that. I don't want to be a burden to you. I just… I'm gonna need a lot of help, a lot of guidance. I need you to think about this, carefully, okay? Can I meet you back here tonight? Say around seven?" he asked, wrapping up his long speech.

"Umm…Sure," Buffy answered, weary of Angel's serious tone. Things generally didn't go well when he was like this.

"Okay, good," Angel grinned and left, leaving a very stunned Buffy behind.

_Oh, but every time I'm close to you,_

_There's too much I can't say,_

_And you just walk away._


	2. Part II

Title: Finding You 

Author: Sith Lord Darth Omar

Summary: This is chapter II, (previously part of chapter I). Uhh… Buffy and Angel continue their non-relationship together, lol.

Contact Me: /lnk>

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Buffy was so shocked she could barely move.

"_Angel… alive… here?"_ Her mind reeled. "_But what was he going on about? 'If you've got someone…' What an idiot! Does he not… does he not love me anymore?_"

This thought got Buffy worried. Angel had asked for her help, her guidance. He hadn't mentioned anything about a relationship.

"_I'm not even sure what I want right now._"

Did he think she was still 'baking', as she put it?

"What if he only wants my help getting sorted out?" she asked the empty hotel room walls. It was really too much to think about at this time. She hadn't even had lunch yet. A human Angel was far too mind-blowing an event to think about without any food. And she hadn't slept very well the night before either. Considering that she didn't have anything better to do until that night, Buffy decided to take a short nap.

Buffy was walking slowly through the park. She often did this when she wanted to think and the city had many beautiful and historic monuments littering the green landscapes. She also enjoyed the warm sunlight. It was in refreshing contrast to the harsh desert-like sunlight found in California. Buffy breathed the chilly air in deeply but lost half her breath when she saw a figure kneeling near some roses off to her left.

A long black trench coat pooled around the man's feet, brushing the well-kept grass. His spiky brown hair glowed in the sun, his face looking warm and tanned in the light. His large, pale hands gently brushed the petals of a big rose. A lazy grin was spread across his face. He looked up and away, smiling into the sunlight as he breathed in the fresh, crisp air.

Suddenly, he stood, his figure prominent among the low benches and flower bushes of the park. His features looked so similar to the statue in the distance behind him; Apollo, Greek god of male beauty. He winced, squeezing his fingers to find small drops of blood there.

"Angel," Buffy said, hoping he had heard her. She walked over to him quickly. Just as he started to turn away, her hands landed on his arm.

He turned around, startled. "Wha… oh, Buffy. What are you doing here?" he asked, smiling, the pain momentarily forgotten.

"Saving you from rose thorns, it seems." Buffy replied. She looked down at his hands; they were suddenly covered in blood. "Ange…"

A gnarled hand reached up through the ground, clawing wildly between the two. The soft earth so desirable for growing flowers gave way easily and a great vampire rose from the ground. Buffy stared in awe. It was very tall and built about three school buses wide. Her entire body was enveloped in its shadow. Why wasn't it lighting on fire?

The huge vampire moved to attack Buffy but stopped suddenly, nostrils flared wide. He sniffed in deeply, his eyes looking pleasured as he caught the scent of human blood. The vampire turned around, snarling, and tackled Angel, sending both to the dirt. Angel vainly tried punching the beast in the stomach with his free hand. The vamp growled angrily as Angel's fist found its solar plexus, but it didn't let up.

Buffy finally snapped out of it. She didn't have any weapons. No stakes or holy water, she wasn't even wearing a cross. But she needed to do something. She jumped onto the wide back of the angry vampire, trying to get ahold of his telephone pole-thick neck. It's windpipe being crushed, the vamp turned around swiftly, hitting Buffy with a massive fist and sending her flying back a dozen feet. She landed in a heap, the air knocked out of her. She got up wearily; fists poised to fight and had to struggle to not scream.

Angel was held in the grip of the ferocious creature, while it fed. Angel's deep eyes held fear. "Angel!" Buffy ran forward but the beast was done. His head lulled back, the blood loss taking him close to unconsciousness. The vampire turned him around in his arms and pushed Angel's against its neck, where a deep gash appeared out of the blue. Buffy watched helplessly as he was forced to drink.

But the demon didn't look so good. It seemed to be slouching now. Loud sucking noises could be heard from the vicious act taking place. Angel's arms, renewed with strength, came up and pushed the demon away, sending it flying backwards. Buffy couldn't breathe.

Angel turned around, his features again distorted by a vampiric visage. He grinned wide, showing off a wicked set of sharp teeth. "Hello, lover."

"ANGEL!" Buffy woke with a start. Her breathing was ragged. Her entire back sang with white-hot pain. Within moments, though, it subsided. Her breathing became even again. Her mind was in a panic over the events of her nightmare.

"_Oh God, what is happening to me?"_ Her thoughts automatically turned to Angel, but she had a great sense of calm and peace coming from her mind. And she wouldn't be able to contact him if she tried. He hadn't told her what hotel he was staying in, assuming he didn't own a mansion or a castle or something here. She laid back down, trying to calm her frayed nerves.

The phone's ringing was a loud disturbance against Buffy's quiet. Her hand fumbled in the semi-dark to find the room's nightstand. Finally, her hand skimmed the vibrating phone.

"Ang… uh, hello?" she asked groggily. "Buffy?" came an excited voice on the other end.

Buffy sat up in bed. "W… Willow? Oh my God, is that you? What… is something wrong?" Buffy's cautious instincts instantly took over, the nightmare still in her mind.

"No, no, no. Not at all. But we heard from Angel. Has he… I mean, you do know about him, right?" Willow asked, worrying for a second about having dropped the ball.

"Yeah, no, I… I saw him today. It was weird." Buffy replied, freshening up. She hadn't talked to Willow in a few weeks. She missed the redhead.

"Weird how? Weird good? Weird bad?"

"Well, you know Angel… it was just weird. He kinda has me confused. He said he needs my help but he didn't mention any… '_us_'. And I'm not even sure if he wants an '_us_' right now."

"Yeah, but you do, right? I mean, you still love him, right?"

"Well, yeah I guess, Wills, but… after seeing Spike turn to dust to save the world and then hearing about Angel die in the apocalypse, I just… I've sort of given up on vamp-human relationships."

"Aha. But Angel is human now. And what about the cooking thing you said to him? Aren't you done yet?"

"Baking, Willow, baking, as in cookies? And besides… no, I'm not… at least I don't think so. I just don't know."

"Well if you ask me, you need your heat turned up."

"Willow!! How can you say that!?"

"What? It's true… and c'mon. Of all the people you'd want doing, uh, that… shouldn't it be Angel? The whole forbidden love/Romeo and Juliet/star crossed lovers thing you have going? And he was your first."

"Okay, Will, sorry but really not comfortable with you discussing my sex life here, thanks. But… I do understand your point."

"Good. Uh… I've gotta go and help Giles with a lecture to the Slayers but I'll call you soon, okay? And at least have coffee with the poor guy. Besides, he's only human."

"Okay, Will. I'll see you soon. And I will… think about it." Buffy put down the phone and flopped back on the bed, sighing deeply.

"_What am I getting myself into?"_

Buffy and Angel sat in the small café, near where they had bumped into each other that morning. Their warm mochas sat in front of them, barely sipped at.

"So how are you adjusting to humanity? Eating well?" Buffy asked, trying to break the odd silence they had while non-committedly sipping their mochas.

"Yeah, it's tough. I didn't expect to come back. There are still a few nightmares sometimes." He sighed, a far-away look in his brown orbs. "I'm so confused. It's like… do you remember when I came back from Hell… I was so lost. It was so hard."

"God, yeah. I was the one who killed you, remember? All you had to do was die. And I found you when you came back, too. _I took care of you, the way I want to now." _Buffy didn't say the last, fearing Angel wasn't ready to hear something so blunt yet.

"Yeah, but when I came back, I was so afraid." "Afraid of what?" "That you would hate me. All the things I did…"

"Are you crazy? Angel, I could never hate you. I only wished I could've hated you when you were evil. Putting that sword through your body was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I lost Mom and I died myself… twice. But… God, when you came back, I though _you_ would hate me."

"I could never hate you either, Buffy. I never have. And I never will."

Angel gave a small smile, not quite sad and not quite happy, just a smile. But his eyes did hold warmth and Buffy was sucked back to so many years ago when her younger self fell asleep dreaming of those eyes.

Buffy stretched her arms, pretending to have tired muscles, but actually moving closer to touching Angels' hands. After a moment, he tentatively reached out to grasp her hand. Buffy couldn't help it, she smiled, and tenderly held his now warm hand. Angel grinned, the true grin that had always made Buffy melt. Some things never changed.

Three hours later, Buffy and Angel walked back to her hotel, hands loosely held. She turned to face him as they neared the front steps.

"I, um, have to say goodnight here, Angel. They don't allow visitors in here. They're… I dunno, kinda strict or something."

Angel looked up at the building, almost checking it for any sign of danger. "Okay." He stood there holding her hands together in front of him for a few moments before leaning forward.

"_Oh God, oh God, oh God. Is he going to kiss me?"_

Suddenly, he stopped. He looked down at his feet. Buffy's heart rate jumped, but when she looked down, nothing was there.

"So, um… can I ask you what you're doing tomorrow night?"

"Umm, yeah, actually… I uh, have a date." She tried baiting him. "_With you_, _I hope_" She added mentally. She didn't remember ever using something like that on him before. Maybe a change of pace would actually save them some heartache this time.

"Oh." There was silence for what seemed like forever. "Okay." He looked Buffy once more in the eye, almost no expression there. Then he turned and walked away into the night.

Buffy was too speechless to do anything. So, apparently being human hadn't made him any less dense. You'd think having been around for two hundred years would have taught him something about dating by now. She sighed and went into the hotel, trying to shake off her odd evening with Angel.

_And I forgot to tell you,_

_I love you._

_And the night's too long,_

_And cold here, without you._


	3. Part III

Title: Finding You 

Author: Sith Lord Darth Omar

Summary: This is chapter III. Buffy makes a phone call. LOL, yeah that's all you're getting… for now. Tell me please, should I bother to continue?

Contact Me:

* * *

Buffy stood on the platform at the top of the Eiffel Tower. The surrounding cityscape at night gleamed with twinkling lights, and the night air was calm and unmoving. The City of Lovers spread out beneath her, and her mind certainly wasn't leaving the topic of a certain dark-haired former vampire that always had occupied her heart.

It seemed he resided in her dreams now, too. She had dreamt of him last night, the way she had countless times since their one union on her birthday all those years ago. She wasn't really sure which kind of dream was worse. Seeing Angelus turned loose again had been such a fear weighing down on her for so long… and for it now to be suddenly gone. She felt undeserving to have such a heavy weight taken off her shoulders.

The first thing she did that morning was to call Willow and tell her of the events of her non-date with Angel. Willow had been excited and encouraged her further to be provocative. But one good thing did come out of her conversation with the redhead. Angel had given her an emergency contact number should Buffy be called back into active duty or if she decided to run away from him. Willow had reluctantly given Buffy his cell phone number. Now, Buffy stood, staring out at the city for what seemed like an eternity, trying to decide what to do next.

_I grieve in my condition,_

_For I cannot find the words to say,_

_I need you so._

"Why is this so hard?" she whispered to the night air. "I still love him, right?" Her feelings were impossible to figure out. There was a part of her that wanted to run and find him and hold him and stay with him forever. Another piece of her told her to be wary, to take things slowly, as he was, and protect her already fragile heart. Yet another voice in her mind told her to run, run away from him the way he had abandoned her and never look back. She had never felt so lost. But the least she could do was talk to him.

Buffy looked down at her little cell phone, a parting gift from Faith should an emergency arise. She sighed, bit her lip, and dialed Angel's number. Her heartbeat sped up, her face feeling too hot as she realized she was on the cusp of speaking to him. It's funny, how there was only ever one _him_ that would make her lower back hiss in pain like this. The phone rang three times against her ear before he picked up.

"Hello?" His voice was a little groggy, as if he had been woken from sleep recently or pulled out of deep thoughts. Buffy had long ago given up on hoping his brooding was about her. She was not a little girl anymore. So why did she feel like she was sixteen again and seeing him for the first time outside of the Bronze?

"Buffy?" Hearing her name escape his lips – the way only he could say it – made her snap out of her reverie and remember she was supposed to be having a conversation with him.

"Angel. Uhh… hi. How did you know it was me?"

"I don – I just… knew." "Oh."

"Is everything okay?"

"Oh, uh… yeah, I'm fine. Uh, you?"

"I'm alright. How did you get this number?"

"Oh, I, uh, talked to Willow. Used some laws of best-friendship on her. It's okay with you that I have it though, right? 'Cause, I'm sorry if I'm not, I didn't know otherwise and I thought it would be good for me to have a way to contact you in case something went wrong and-"

"Buffy, it… it's fine. I'm just surprised is all. I thought you had a… date tonight?"

"Oh, I, uh… got stood up."

"Oh, well, do you need a ride or something?"

"No, no, I'm okay, I just wanted to see what you were up to. I thought… maybe, if you weren't doing anything… you'd want to substitute for this jerk for me." Buffy cringed as soon as the words were out of her mouth. "_Think, Buffy, think! God, could you have said it anymore plainly? Get over here right now, Angel; I wanna jump your human bones. Ugh, stupid!"_

"Oh, well… uh… where exactly are you?"

"Ah, believe it or not, the top of the Eiffel Tower."

"It must be beautiful."

"It is. The entire city is glowing and I can see it for miles."

Angel chuckled over the phone. Buffy could feel the tension ease out of her body, letting herself relax a little.

"I've never been to the Eiffel Tower," he said. But before Buffy could respond, she heard a soft click and the dial tone in her ear.

"Angel?"

_Oh, but every time I'm close to you,_

_There's too much I can't say,_

_And you just walk away.

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_

Special thanks to my few reviewers. Your words are most appreciated.

- Moonjava

- urangel

- never look back


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